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webadmin / July 28, 2017

Manny and the ladies

Manny knows he’s a pretty good looking guy, and at 19 years old, his focus is pretty centered on girls. Since moving to the Netherlands from the Philippines last year, he’s curious to know more about the Dutch women in town. One day, he’s walking by a terrace full of people, and a young Dutch woman looks him in the eye and smiles at him.

Manny: my heart jumped when she smiled and I figured that she may be interested to get to know me. So I returned to the terrace and sat down next to her to start a conversation. However, her smile was gone, she seemed angry and told me to leave! I don’t understand, why did she smile in the first place, is she playing with me?

Woman on the terrace: I was enjoying a coffee and some sun on a terrace, while a young man walked by. I liked his jacket, it looked like the one a good friend of mine also wears. So I smiled at him, but then he came over and just sat down at my table! I felt a bit threatened and told him to leave. It wasn’t my intention to be rude, but I want to feel free to smile at people if I want to, without having any intentions.

What happened?

There’s no way of knowing why a young woman smiles at a young man. Maybe he is good looking, maybe she wanted to appear welcoming to someone who looked like he was new  to the Netherlands, or maybe she just likes his shoes. Who knows? It is important to note that Dutch women can have eye contact and exchange a smile, without creating any expectations from men. Both a woman and a man are free to pull themselves out of a conversation or a relationship at any time.

What are some possible solutions?

Manny could understand that the smile and eye contact of the young lady does not necessarily have a deeper meaning. He might have walked on, or chosen to sit further away on the terrace and see if the lady starts talking to him. He might also have asked if he could join her before sitting down. In order for Manny to get to know Dutch women, he would need to offer his friendship first, without having any expectations. Often these contacts are easier at sport clubs or through friends of friends, rather than initiating contact in public spaces.

Explanation

The Netherlands is a country with low Power Distance (PDI -) and low Masculinity (MAS -). The high value of egalitarianism, combined with a few feminist waves in the last century, has created more or less equal relationships between the sexes. Women and men feel that they largely have the same rights, and both are free to make their own decisions in the field of relationships, sexuality and marriage. The males in the family (father, brothers or others) will not easily get involved if a woman contacts other men. If parents really disagree with the choice of their child (male or female), they will argue and put pressure, but they cannot forbid.

Social dilemmas in our society

Every society develops its own habits and set of rules allowing people to live together harmoniously. These habits are being influenced by the environment that people live in, through time and people from all corners of the world. How do we define these social dilemmas?

Read more

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Themes

  • Authority and leadership
  • Indirect Communication
  • Privacy and relations
  • Rules and (un)certainty
  • Motivation and success

About Connect2Us

During their resettlement migrants face numerous instances where cultural differences emerge. Normal, day-to-day situations can turn out to be pleasant encounters, but also startling or even mind boggling. And this is not only true for the newcomer. The Connect2Us foundations helps recognize, understand and accept cultural differences. We will then also see how similar we really are.

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